Bullying

“You don’t have to be the loser kid in high school to be bullied.  Bullying and being picked on comes in so many different forms.” – Lady Gaga
With our children heading back to school I thought it prudent to once again share a discussion on the topic of bullying first brought to the Healthy Mind – Healthy Future reader last fall.

Bullying is a widespread and serious problem that can happen anywhere: face-to-face, via the web, over the phone, or texting.  It is not limited by age, gender, or level of education. Those who have been the targets of bullying can experience long term emotional and behavioral problems as a result.  Bullying can lead to depression, anxiety, and isolation in its victims.  It is not just a phase.….it is not “just messing around”…..it is not a joke.  Bullying can cause serious and lasting harm…..bullying can kill.

There are many definitions of bullying.  However, they all include:

  • The intention to cause harm – a bully’s goal is to cause the victim harm.  It is not just an accident.
  • Repetition – bullying happens to the same person over and over again by the same bullying group or individual.
  • Disproportionate power – bullies use their power, or perceived power, to control their victims.

There are also many types of bullying, and it may take the form of one or more of these:

  • Physical – shoving, pushing, punching, hitting, kicking, tripping
  • Verbal – name-calling, mocking, teasing, taunting      
  • Social – ostracizing, snubbing, ignoring, spreading rumors
  • Cyber – using modern technology (internet, cell phones, etc.) to inflict harm

It is estimated that in the U.S. alone:

  • Some 160,000 children miss school every day due to fear of intimidation or physical harm by other students.
  • 15% of all school absenteeism is directly related to fears of being bullied at school.
  • One in seven students is either a bully or victim.
  • 56% of students have personally witnessed some type of bullying at school.

There are many warning signs that could indicate that someone is involved in bullying.  As a parent, or as a responsible adult, it is important to know and understand the signs of being bullied, or of bullying others:

Being Bullied

  • Recurring unexplained injuries
  • Appearing depressed, moody, anxious or agitated
  • Fear of going to school or other social activities
  • Not wanting to interact with friends
  • Losing personal items such as clothing or electronics
  • Coming home with damaged clothes
  • Abrupt loss of interest in school work
  • Unusually poor school performance
  • Frequent physical complaints (oftentimes stomachaches and/or headaches)
  • Difficulty sleeping
  • Abrupt change in eating habits
  • Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness
  • Talk of suicide

 Bullying Others

  • Quick to blame others
  • Does not take responsibility for their actions
  • Gets into verbal or physical altercations
  • Needs to always win and be the best at everything
  • Has friends who bully

Bullying does not just happen face-to-face.  Cyber-bullying happens through the use of modern technology such as cell phones and computers by sending hurtful and/or embarrassing messages and spreading lies or rumors about others.  The incidence of cyber-bullying tends to peak between the 7th-9th grades.   What makes cyber-bullying so different, and potentially much more emotionally harmful, is that it can go on 24/7, day after day after day; can easily be shared with a wide and varied audience (many of whom may be unknown to the victim); and, can all be done anonymously.

Although the signs and symptoms of victims of cyber-bullying are very similar to those of face-to-face bullying, young people who have been the target of cyber-bullies are significantly more likely to skip school, use drugs and alcohol, and are at great risk to experience face-to-face bullying.

If you or someone you know is being bullied there are steps you can take to help make it stop:

  • Tell them to stop.
  • Walk away from the bullying environment.  If you are unable to walk away, be certain to protect yourself.
  • Tell a trusted adult about the bullying.
  • Try to stay together with a group.

If bullying continues and you need more help, here are some suggestions:

  • Call 911 if someone is immediately at risk as a result of bullying.
  • Contact the school administrator if a teacher is not keeping their students safe from being bullied.
  • Contact a counselor or health professional if a student is stressed and/or not sleeping as a result of being bullied.
  • Call the “211” helpline or the Santa Barbara County Crisis team at 888-868-1649 if you are feeling suicidal because of being bullied.

Too often people dismiss bullying among kids as a normal part of growing up.  Bullying is dangerous and can bring great harm to its victims.  Children and teenagers can experience severe anxiety and fear as a result, and often feel the need to react violently, or contemplate suicide.  For too many, the effects of bullying can impact a person throughout their life.  No one deserves to be bullied.  You do not have to put up with it. So, if you are being bullied, remember, please remember:  be proud of who you are; it is not your fault; you are not to blame; you are not alone; do not bully back or bully anyone else; talk to your parents or teacher or even a good friend; do not be afraid to ask for help; and, please…..please do NOT hurt yourself.