Seriously, sexting is just wrong.  You don’t know what you get yourself into until your ex breaks up with you and threatens to send your photos to everyone.  Then it is when you finally feel like oh no what have I done.  The feeling you get when you’re sending these pictures may make you feel happy, cool, excited, flirty, but when they are threatened to be sent to someone other than your boyfriend or girlfriend then those feelings quickly go away.  ~Anonymous

Even though many parents have never heard of it, surveys show that a large percentage (some 30-60%) of teenagers are “sexting”, sending sexually provocative text messages or visual images to friends, and sometimes perfect strangers, from their smart phone and computers.  With the increased accessibility in this digital age comes dramatically increased risk.  Although experts differ on the actual statistics of its prevalence and frequency all of them agree that sexting is a teen reality that is not just a passing fad.  While this disturbing trend continues unabated parents, teachers, lawmakers and law enforcement officials are coming under ever increasing pressure as to how to react effectively to these behaviors that put our kids at risk of exploitation, harassment, and potentially even legal charges.  Obviously, sending such images or texts is a big problem, but the real challenge presents itself when these pictures and messages are shared with more than just their intended recipient.  This content can then be easily posted on a multitude of social network sites and/or sent to a huge number of unintended people.

If your teenager has a smart phone he/she is certainly texting.  And, if they are texting, they may well be sexting.  In this digital technology world there is no such thing as being able to control information.  Anything can be copied, transmitted, posted to social networking sites, and viewed by huge audiences.  The intentions behind the sending of the sexually provocative texts or images are of no consequence.  Today’s technology makes it way too easy for your child’s most intimate self to be seen by a throng of unintended viewers.  Although as parents, and I am myself the parent of two teenagers, we like to think of ourselves as being in-the-know.  However, do not forget for a minute that this generation really has little if any clue about life before the internet.  They live and breathe the digital world, and know how to be more clandestine in that world than most of us know how to sleuth.  The truth of the matter is that the numbers are against us.  According to Susan Lipkins, Ph.D., a psychologist who specializes in the area of sexual bullying and hazing, over 65% of teens are sexting, and report enjoying doing so.  If that number itself does not give you pause, she also believes that a significant amount of sexting is going on in the group of children 10-12 years old.  She notes that 6% of sexting teenagers polled indicated they actually started sexting at the age of nine.

We all know that teens are notorious for poor impulse control, but until the widespread use of smart phones and web-based cameras, photos of nude or half-naked teenagers was pretty much limited to some dubious pornographic websites and a few less than honorable movies.  That is no longer, and will never again, be the case.  Combining the ease of sharing digital images and the renowned ability of teenagers to make boneheaded decisions, and you have the perfect recipe for teens to find themselves embarrassed, distraught, or in legal trouble.  So, no matter how certain you are that your child would never do something as risky as sexting it is time to pull your head out of the sand and start having that difficult conversation with them.  Of course, your teen will be offended and appalled that you suggested they would even think of doing such a thing, let alone actually send sexually provocative texts and/or images.  Do not let that stop you from pushing the matter until you are satisfied that you are getting the truth.  It is definitely time for parents, teachers, and school administrators to wake up.

Here are the numbers according to CosmoGirl and the 2009 National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy:

• 38% of teens say exchanging sexy content makes dating or hooking up (sexual activity outside the context of a romantic relationship) with others more likely.
• 29% of teens believe those exchanging sexy content are “expected” to date or hook up.
• 22% of teens admit that technology makes them personally more forward and aggressive.
• 22% of teen girls and 20% of teen boys have sent nude or semi-nude photos of themselves over the Internet or their phones.

And, the “kids” are not alone.  Over 30% of young adults (20-26 years old) have also admitted to sending sexually provocative images.

There are many reasons kids engage in sexting.  They do so to flirt, demonstrate their interest and/or affection for someone, show off, be amusing, prove their devotion, elevate their social status, or to intentionally bully or hurt someone.  Emotional trauma is one of the dangers associated with sexting behavior.   Take for example the teenage coed, Jesse Logan from Cincinnati, who in 2008 committed suicide after her ex-boyfriend sent nude images she had sent him to hundreds of other kids in their high school as an act of revenge for her breaking up with him, resulting in unrelenting harassment from her classmates.  Yet, emotional trauma is but one of the dangers.  There are several teenagers in several states that are, and have been, facing legal charges of child pornography and felony obscenity for sexting pictures of themselves or others to their friends.  Many, like Dr. Lipkins, see sexting as a symptom, not a source, of teen sexual attitudes, believe that taking legal action against teenagers for sexting is misguided, and that this problem is best approached by effective communication and teaching more responsible behavior.  “Parents have to talk about sexting behavior as part of other behaviors, and really try to have kids learn how to navigate this world without us, because we’re not going to be around forever…We want kids to learn how to make healthy decisions on their own.”

So, when you discuss the issue of sexting with your child, remind them that there are many reasons not to be involved in sharing intimate photos of themselves, the most obvious are:

1. The pictures can end up plastered all over the Internet.  As most of us know, revealing photographs which are intended to remain private rarely do.
2. 2.    The pictures can end up being viewed by unintended people even if not posted on the internet.  There is the famous urban legend, reported by Maxim Radio, that Ashton Kutcher inadvertently left his cell phone in a taxi containing nude photos of Demi Moore (who he was dating at the time).  The taxi driver reportedly later demanded a ransom of a million dollars in order for the phone to be returned. 
3. 3.    It can wreck your future.  Sexually provocative images made public can ruin your career.  Politicians, teachers, corporate executives and others put their careers at great risk by providing such fodder to those who would use such photos against you.
4. 4.    You can be legally prosecuted.  Minors who engage in sexting can be arrested for child pornography and felony obscenity, even if the pictures are of yourself. 
5. 5.    These sexting pictures can remain in cyberspace forever.  Long after you have hit the delete button these questionable images can come back to haunt you, being stored on servers in places you have never even heard of.  

Next Saturday, in Part 2 of this two-part series, I will discuss what can be done to try and control this disturbing trend known as sexting.