“Dangerous online interactions could be putting your child at serious risk, and if you don’t know what your child is doing online you aren’t prepared to deal with the consequences.” ~Anonymous

In Part 1 of this two-part series the reader was presented with an overview of the disturbing trend amongst teenagers, and younger children as well, known as sexting.  To briefly review, sexting is the sending of sexually provocative text messages or visual images to friends, and sometimes perfect strangers, from their smart phone and computers.  With the increased accessibility in this digital age comes dramatically increased risk.  Sending such images or texts is a big problem, but the real challenge presents itself when these pictures and messages are shared with more than just their intended recipient.  This content can then be easily posted on a multitude of social network sites and/or sent to a huge number of unintended people.  In this digital technology world there is no such thing as being able to control information.  Anything can be copied, transmitted, posted to social networking sites, and viewed by huge audiences.  The intentions behind the sending of the sexually provocative texts or images are of no consequence.  Today’s technology makes it way too easy for your child’s most intimate self to be seen by a throng of unintended viewers.  There are many reasons kids engage in sexting.  They do so to flirt, demonstrate their interest and/or affection for someone, show off, be amusing, prove their devotion, elevate their social status, or to intentionally bully or hurt someone.  

Whether you know your teenager, or younger child, is sexting, or you are concerned about the likelihood they will in the future, you do have the power, and responsibility, to intervene.  Here are some suggestions.

• Communicate – Talk to your child.  I know this can be a daunting and formidable task, especially when we are talking about teenagers, but it is a necessary and unavoidable parental responsibility.  We should view sexting as a technology-fueled new expression of the social and sexual experimentation that has always typified adolescence rather than some isolated trend.  Be frank and honest with them about sexting, and the long term risks involved in such behavior.  This should coincide with frank and honest discussions about sex in general.  Pre-teens and teenagers tend to engage more with many short conversations rather than a long interrogative sit-down about what’s going on in their lives.  They are more likely to share with you what is going on in their lives if they feel you are available to them on a consistent basis.  And remember, talk to them about how precious a gift their bodies are, about self respect, and self esteem.
• Teach about 21^st century responsibility – Your child may be the quintessential model citizen offline.  But, that does not mean they are that same “perfect child” online.  Remind them that socially responsible behavior extends to the cyber world as well.  Remind them that there is no guarantee that images they send will remain private, and that once an image is sent it can never be taken back.   Emphasize that text messaging, social networking, video chatting, and other cyber communication can be circulated across the internet which means that not only friends, but teachers, strangers, other kid’s parents, and future employers may end up viewing those pictures as well.
• Discuss the pressures your child may be under to send revealing pictures – Share with them that you are aware and understand that they are likely to be dared, cajoled, or otherwise coaxed to send something via their cell phone or computer that they are uncomfortable sending.  Remind them that no matter how strong the social pressure, the potential humiliation can have a significantly worse impact.
• Instruct your child to immediately delete any sexually provocative pictures they might receive – Doing so helps eliminate the temptation to send the image(s) to others in the future, whether out of anger, revenge, or just stupidity.  Also, forwarding sexting images to others only contributes to a potentially malicious environment of gossip and harassment.  Remind them that it is better to be part of the solution than the problem.
• Do not wait for something awful to happen – I know that talking to your teenager about sexting, or about sex in general, is an uncomfortable thing, but it is ever far easier a conversation to have before something bad happens than after the fact.
• Do not hesitate to block images on your child’s phone if you are concerned they may be sexting – For just a few dollars a month cell phone service providers will block transmission of images on any cell phone.  It seems that almost every month there are new and more effective tools becoming available for parents to monitor, and in some instances control, their child’s cell phone.
• Finally, set clear and firm rules about cell phone and computer use, and if not followed be prepared take away them away – First, there is absolutely nothing wrong with random checks of your child’s cell phone and computer.  Remember, you are the parent; you have every right to access your child’s Internet accounts and cell phone.  You most likely bought the phone, so you own it.  And you just as likely pay the bill. Therefore you have the right, and more importantly the responsibility, to be a good overseer.  Access to technology is a privilege not a right.  Go through their phone on a random and regular basis.  Enough with the denial that your child would never be involved in such a thing as sexting.  Privacy has to do with going to the bathroom, not ignoring the multitude of ways your child can access today’s communication technology.  Know and understand the technology they are using, and how they are using it.  If they insist on not following the rules of use you have established you need to take the computer and/or cell phone away.  I know this is viewed as extreme, but sometimes extreme measures are necessary when nothing else is working.  To those who contend that teenagers need a cell phone, I don’t buy it.  If you believe so, well fine, get them as basic a model as you can find, one that cannot be used for texting.

Here are just a few of the many websites available to parents that can assist in monitoring what your child is doing in cyperspace:

• www.InternetSafety.com – Tracks your child’s instant messaging (IM), can impose internet time limits, monitors online social networks, blocks online pornography, filters online video access, and other features.
• www.websafety.com – Offers software that can be loaded into your child’s computer and cell phone, and will issue alerts which advise you if improper content is sent from any of these devices.  It further allows the blocking of texting while driving (just another way to try and keep your child safe).
• Cell Phone Spy Elite – Is a device that can actually retrieve deleted text messages from cell phones.
• www.ThatsNotCool.com – Is a fantastic site that has great videos which lay out strategies for dealing with the pressure that kids face to send provocative images of themselves, or with boyfriends and girlfriends who harass using text messaging.  It is also a wonderful resource for parents who are uncomfortable in dealing directly with the issue of sexting.
• www.uknowkids.com – Does all the work of gathering and analyzing online and mobile activities.